JD's Musings Decomplexified

Sometime last week, I realized that I was consumed with loneliness. Sigh. Pretty emotional huh? Believe me, I wish I'm just making up an excuse for being suddenly undemonstrative, but the feeling's all over my senses. I hated it. I'm surrounded by people... I've got friends... My social life is in excellent condition. Then like out of the blue, I felt as if no one really sees me and no one cares for me. Ouch. It's whispered by the enemy, I know, and I hated myself for not rebuking it immediately. For letting it penetrate my consciousness. For giving it some thought. And lastly, for believing it.

For days I wondered why people don't see me as I see them. I can easily feel it when they're lonely, angry, troubled or afraid. Somehow I could tell what's going on by merely observing their behaviors or facial expressions. I would ask them, "Kumusta?", "Are you OK?", "May problema ba?"... I love it when people ask me the same. A simple caring question has an express lane direct to my heart. I tend to open up about my worries or deepest joy in being asked with as simple as "Kumusta na, Jhen?"... Lalo na when I feel that the person is really sincere and interested in knowing how I feel.

What a blessing that I have (true) friends. I take good care of them. When I feel that they need me, I don't deny them comfort or encouragement. I try my best to make them feel good... show them that they're not alone. I'm not expecting people to do more for me than what I do for them. But in times like these, when you're down, wouldn't it be nice to have someone lift your spirit up?

Sigh. This loneliness is unbearable. A trial that could be so disheartening. Then something like a thunder echoed in my mind as I thought, "Wait. Don't I have Jesus Christ in my life already?"

This is the Word of God in 2 Timothy 4:16-17: "At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength..."

Now the Spirit has spoken to me. What are you trying to tell me, God?

I realized that I have sinned. I shouldn't have depended so much on the comfort and love that people can give me. God has used my loneliness to get my attention and show me that He's all I need. It brought me to a point of surrender when I realized that His love is perfect... He sees me... He cares for me... and I can take comfort from the Word of God. His love is enough to snatch me away from the bitterness and disappointment caused by loneliness. The Lord is always standing at my side. I am never alone even if it feels like I am.

Truly, this is the Spirit of God strengthening me.